My Little Ballerina

Change

Why is change so hard?

Don’t we always grow and learn from change? Isn’t it the one constant in our lives? Shouldn’t we welcome change instead of fear it? Why does our heart resist when our brain knows it is essential for growth? Change is imminent and it is the only thing I am certain of in this world. Nothing is static and nothing stays the same.

Why then, is it so difficult to adjust to and accept change? Not only when it is thrust upon us, but also a choice one makes consciously. More often than not, when we listen to our instincts and honour them, the change that ensues from these leaps are positive ones. Changes that (in retrospect) are necessary to grow.

I have thought about his pattern before. Questioning myself when confronted with change. My brain knows it is necessary, but it seems to take an extra long pause before the rest of me catches up.

My brave girl in this big world.

"Moments"

Moments that define us aren’t always the huge ones that you would expect them to be. Most often, they are in our daily exchange of words with someone, a glance or a moment that simply sticks. Sometimes it’s a feeling of shared understanding that two people come to discover without any sort of road map in hand.

This appreciation for the beauty in such moments is one that ebbs and flows for me depending on the day, depending on the childcare workload and the daily grind. Ironically, it has taken an enormous life changing moment and months and months to uncover this simple truth.

It’s not always easy to catch them at first, it takes practice and a little nudge sometimes. The trick is to have your eyes (and your heart) wide open to see them. And once you see, you see – and you’ll wonder how you missed them all along.

Big Sister Hugs

Mr. Noah turns 4!

Frozen

There are moments in life that stick with you and that seem to freeze time, whether it be pure joy or a harsh bite of reality. The two oppose one another and make their counterpart all the more strong by comparison.

Noah’s giggly laughter and smile sparkles more than seems possible when put against the backdrop of the daily battles of this strong willed little person. His smile and laughter are like sweet chocolate, you just want to eat it up and of course you want more. Maybe the sound of him laughing is so rare these days that it strikes me how innocent and joyful it sounds. I realize how beautiful, yet how fleeting these moments have become.

As I tuck him in each night after he has fallen into a deep sleep I stare for a moment and wonder what his future holds. I think about Noah and Mark, and how I see his Dad in him everyday as he grows older. I soak in the peace and quiet and I search for that moment. I try to ignore the harsh bite of reality of an evening filled with negotiation and battles over bedtime. I stand there and wonder what tomorrow will bring…