Connected

There are people with whom we rub shoulders with everyday, be it on the bus, in a line up at the grocery store, or strangers that sit across your desk each day that can instantly jolt you back to another place and time in your life. Maybe it was a good time, or a time we would rather forget. Sometimes it’s a look, maybe a smile, or the tiredness you see in someone’s eyes that makes you remember.

I met a woman today who looked like she hadn’t slept in a year. I knew the look well having seen it in my own reflection for months on end. I felt an admiration for her and at the same time an absolute sadness overwhelmed me. A total stranger, evoking an emotional response in me that was more than what I was prepared for at 3 o’clock this afternoon. I felt such an ache for her knowing that she was doing what any other wife would do in the same situation. As our conversation evolved she confirmed what I had suspected after exchanging only a few words with them. Husband, diagnosed with cancer and has been fighting the disease for five years. The outlook, getting more challenging as the days pass and complications arise from the 5 types of cancer he has been fighting.

One of the hardest parts of being a widow is simply belonging to this stupid club. Having this premature knowledge of knowing what its like to lose your husband is cruel in it self. I felt pain for this woman today, a total stranger, knowing how much sorrow she is in for. I felt so sad for her knowing how helpless she feels now and how devastating it will be to watch the person she loves deteriorate and ultimately die from cancer. I wanted to take it away from her, the burden of responsibility to have to be strong enough for two. It made me think of the other women in my life and how they too might have to endure this cruel reality one day.

It seems that some sort of heartache, its foolish to think otherwise, touches everyone. It makes you wonder how when submerged in it and living that reality everyday, how does one smile? And then, I remembered…

Her husband was quiet, but strong in a silent kind of way and very sweet, he called her “Tootse” like the Tootsie roll. He was trying to take care of some financial matters without stating the obvious, all the time being very sensitive and respectful of her feelings. When he spoke to her, it made me smile. Then it dawned on me. His demeanor reminded me of Mark and how Mark used to take care of me. He used her nickname, which he had probably called her by for over 40 years and took care of things in a quiet, noble kind of way, in a very “Mark” sort of way. He was taking care of his “Tootse” and that’s all that mattered to her today. Even when your world is crashing down, I believe that when you feel connected to another person, you can smile and face anything.