A New Year

2008...What does it hold for us?

As I sit here and ponder that question, I wonder if those close to me are holding their breath for us. It seems fitting to be hopeful for a chance at happiness and a new beginning but also at the same time, risky. Having experienced enough heart ache to last a lifetime , it is with a cautious, reserved optimism that I look forward to 2008.

The year that is behind me makes me wonder how I’ve changed as a result of it. Has it made me stronger, or broken my spirit? Do I leap because I know what can be lost, or play it safe in order to preserve myself? My renewed appreciation for life is at times fleeting. I want to embrace the feeling of savouring each moment because I know firsthand how fragile life really is. But how do you welcome this appreciation when your kids miss their Dad so much? When they cry, what are the words that can at the very least, make them feel safe?

Christmas was especially tough for Audrey (and me) and as I pack away the last of the decorations tonight, I wonder what my frame of mind will be the next time I touch them. There are so many years of memories all contained now in just two giant boxes. I looked at them this afternoon in my garage and thought about what a neat, tidy package of memories it was. There are 12 years of togetherness in those boxes and it really made me stand there and pause. I guess, ironically... it made me savour the moment.