My big-kid Noah

My pretty girl

Ready?...

My blog has stood at a stand still for months.  The time between posts over the last little while seems to be stretching, each one growing further apart as time goes on.  I think of sitting to write often, and have even tried over the last little while but my thoughts lately have felt too private, too loaded with effect to share.  Not sure if that makes sense to anyone else but me – but this is where my head has been at.

It’s interesting that as I struggle with new challenges I have become more private than ever before.  Definitely a shift for me as I have always been one to talk or “blog” it out.  Writing and sharing has become second nature to me as a way to cope, as a way to work through emotions but my blog has been quieter than ever before.    

I wonder what it is that is different now and why the reluctance to blog so freely as I once used to?  I have been drawn here many times over the last two weeks as the year drew to a close.  Who doesn’t like to look back with a little bit of nostalgia (and sometimes relief!) and then wonder about the fresh start that lies ahead?  If I look back right here I have done it most every year since I started this blog.  The year ahead always begs to be christened with hope and optimism but I haven’t been able to wrangle that feeling until now. 

Was it simply this annoying holiday cold that did me in?  I’m sure it had something to do with it, but I have found myself preoccupied with other thoughts that the year quietly slipped away and I woke to a new one before I was ready to welcome this one with open arms.   I wasn’t done with the last one yet, almost…just not quite.

I looked at the tree lying on it’s side in the front yard yesterday evening in the cool glow of the LED lights and it was then that I got the first hint that I was done.    As I walked to my car tonight after work I noticed how pretty the freshly fallen snow looked.  It glittered underneath the streetlight, clean and white, undisturbed.   I pressed my boots into the snow as I walked across the empty parking lot and smiled at the sound of my footsteps making their first impression on the New Year.