The Kindness of Others

It's 8:30pm and everyone has gone home. Mark is upstairs reading "pretend stories" to Audrey and Noah is asleep. Feels down right normal as I listen to the chug of the dishwasher behind me.

Christmas has been everything we hoped for. Mark is home with us and most of his family were able to join us. I cooked a bird this afternoon and we are all stuffed! The presents under the tree this year were overwhelming but we were happy to indulge our little ones and see the twinkle in their eyes.

This year as a whole has been the worst. Each year, I catch myself reflecting back on the year before and I try to remember it. Who was here, did we go back to Ontario? Did I cook a turkey or did we barbeque some Keg steaks? I am embarressed to admit that last year is a bit foggy. I can't even say for sure who was here for dinner and what my husband gave me for Christmas.

This year is different.

Different for sad reasons and different for happy ones too. I am forever going to remember the kindness of the people who surround our family each day. The wonderful things people have done for us leading up to this holiday has been incredible to say the least. Mark and I can't even believe it sometimes. It gives us the strength to look into our kids' eyes and smile for real. Not just because we have to hold it together for them, but because the kindness of others has made the unbearable just a little easier.

I never imagined I could endure these hardships. You always think to yourself "What would I ever do if..." Each day I see friends and aquaintances who ask me how I do it. How do I cope? I think the only way is that I have the love and support of all of you who read our blog. I even have the support of people who don't even know our family. Friends of friends, even strangers who have heard our story and just want to help. It is the goodness and kindness in others that makes me believe I can do this.

This Christmas will be the one I remember forever, the details will stick with me always. I know who was here for supper, I will remember what I cooked and most of all ... I will remember what my husband got me for Christmas. One more Christmas together as a family
I love you Mark.
Leslie

Circumstances

It is with a heavy heart that I write this blog tonight. The familiar feeling of typing these words again fills me with sadness. We have been here before, but now we know we've tried everything. Mark did not achieve remission with the DTIL3 study so we are left with the hard reality that he will not recover from this disease.

As I wrote these very same words just over a month ago, I had a tiny bit of hope in my heart. I thought that maybe by some small miracle Mark would get through this. But it just hasn't happened that way. We are surprised, but not. We are sad and exhausted by thinking about what this means for our family and our kids' future.

After sitting with Mark this afternoon while he received red blood cells and platelets we forced ourselves to try and find some good in all this. After a few hours we decided that this can't all be for nothing. This completely unfair, horrible experience can't be just that. Something good has to come from it or it will all have been a waste. All the suffering will have been for nothing.

Now that we have experienced the hardships of life with cancer it is tempting to look for the why. Why me? Why Mark? Why my family? We aren't looking for some profound meaning from God or some higher source. We're not looking for the Why in all this because there is no reason for it. Mark didn't do anything to deserve this, it just happened. We are victims of circumstance and we just have to try to get through today.

Over the last few months we have asked Why many times. It seems so unfair. I don't admit that I am comforted by the fact that Mark has cancer just because. But I know in my heart that that there is no reason, it just is. I need to channel my energy and support towards my husband instead of wasting my time asking Why. I need to love my family with all the I've got to get through the next few months. Try to find something good about this whole mess so it's not all for not. If you look hard enough, you'll find it. Mark and I did.

Making a Difference

Mark had his first dose of DTIL3 yesterday morning and things are going smoothly so far. It took a bit of preparation to get here but here we are now.

Last week was full of screening tests and another bone marrow biopsy (number 9?). Unfortunately, Mark's blast cells (leukemia ones) were over the acceptable limit for the study so he had to endure 3 additional days of chemo prior to starting the new trial drug. As exhausting as this all is, we are happy to be actively treating the disease again. It feels like we're trying to do something instead of just waiting around.

The doctors have been cautious about investing all our hope in this but we are happy to be given another shot. It is totally experimental, only 8 other people in Canada have tried it so we need to keep this in the back of our minds as we go through the next two weeks.

Mark is at the Cancer agency and was able to come home today on a day pass. He gets the drug on Mon/Wed/Fri so if he is feeling well, he is able to come home on his off days It was nice to have dinner together and put the kids to bed. Kind of almost feels normal.

Over the next two weeks Mark will be contributing to Leukemia research by participating in this phase I clinical trial. It seems scary and unreal at times, but I know he's making a difference - and that's what counts.
I'm proud of you Mark.
Love Leslie

A Remote Possibility...

It's with a reserved and cautious optimism that I share this information with everyone... Mark has been offered a chance to participate in the DTIL3 study after all. Unbelievably, his blood was retested and it came back within the acceptable range to move ahead in the study. We are in complete shock and almost afraid to believe it.

We have been sitting on the news for a while because we don't want to drag everyone along on the rollercoaster with us, but we have a bit of hope to hold on to now and that is what is important. It is all very preliminary, there all lots of tests this week still, but we at least have another chance and that is what we are focusing on.

The last two weeks or so we have been unreal - almost like we're in a movie. Watching people go about their day, listening to people shush their kids in waiting rooms, watching them bustle about on Broadway while they catch the B-Line. All of it while Mark and I sit in traffic or wait for another doctors appointment for what? It all seems so wasted. Everyone's time is wasted rushing somewhere or rushing their kids to grow up. It has really changed the way we look at life and it has changed us forever.

It's impossible not to think about our future and how this disease is stealing it away from us. The last two weeks have changed us and in a wierd way, made us even more committed to fighting this disease. For now we have a slim chance and we're taking it. No matter how much disappointment may or may not be around the corner, we'll take today - with open arms.

The only thing to do

It is even harder to compose this blog than the last two but I am going to try...
We are back at T15 and Mark is not well. We have been struggling with managing his pain and more complications are arising. Unfortunately, this is typical of Leukemia and we have come to a roadblock with active treatment of the disease.

Mark's antibodies were too high to participate in the DTIL3 study and we are dealing with the reality of what this means for us. The doctors have retested Mark in the hopes that his antibodies may have dropped over the last 10 days but it is a very remote possibility.

Mark and I are now faced with the reality that there will be no chance for recovery from this terrible disease. We are in shock, devastated, mad and overwhelmingly sad. We knew that this was a real possibility but never actually thought it would happen to us. For those of you who have spoken to us, we know there is no perfect response, there is nothing to say that can fix this. It is completely unfair and we are trying our best to accept and move on. It felt impossible yesterday and the day before but we have to try. Today is a new day and we are determined to make the most of our time left together. It's the only thing to do.

Still Waiting...

Today is Sunday and it's an amazing fall day again in Langley. The sun is shining and I have the sliders open while a warm crisp breeze blows through the house.

Kids are sleeping, actually Audrey is singing to herself on her bed while Noah snores. Happy sounds in what feels like a bit of a dream. If only adults could just enjoy the moment the way Audrey seems to. She knows Mark is sick but is still able to go about her day just like always, singing, playing barbies and reading books. What I would give for that unspoiled happiness that we see on her face even though it feels at times like the world is crashing down.

It's the waiting that does it. We were pretty confident that we would know by Thursday if Mark could participate in the trial but as luck would have it, they didn't send his sample out untill Monday so it adds three more days to the wait.

So the trial...it's very new, a phase one trial. Only 25 people world wide have tried the drug for treating Leukemia and only 7 people here in Canada (all of them at VGH). This would make Mark lucky number 8. As scary as it sounds, all drugs need to go through this process and somebody has to try them. We are eagre to get on with the treatments because Mark is running into complications now with his numbers being so low. Fevers, infections, pain ect... it's been a rough week but we are coping with "Nanny Chris" and now Mark's friend Warren is here. It's great having the help and it breaks up the routine a bit to be able to visit with old friends.

Of course I will blog any news as soon as we get it so keep checking in on the blog and email when you can.

Courage

It is with a heavy heart that I write this blog tonight. The kids are tucked in and I have finally worked up the courage to share the latest news.

We got word from Mark's doctor on Thursday that he is not in remission following the latest "salvage chemo". This is exactly what we did not want to hear and we honestly thought it would turn out different. Over the weekend our utter and complete disappointment and sadness has softned a bit as we are now looking ahead at pursuing an experimental clinical trial.

Marks chemotherapy options have all been exhausted now and he can no longer tolerate any more treatments because of toxicity levels. For now, the tranplant will not take place because a remission is necessary for it to stand a chance.

Our strength has been tested a number of times over the last few months but this weekend has been the most difficult. We are cautious to invest our hope in this clinical trial because there are no guarantees and only unknowns in our future.

Writing this blog helps me to see the reality of our situation and puts life into perspective as I hope it does for you reading it right now. It allows me to vent and cry and then finally have hope at the end of each entry because I know this one will NOT be the last one I write. Mark is a fighter and he has resolved to not let cancer steal him away from me or our kids without a fight. So don't feel sorry for us, have hope and feel strength. Have faith in whatever it is you believe in and think of us when you can, we need it more now than ever.

Waiting...

It's been a long few weeks to say the least and we are still waiting to see if Mark is in remmission. Mark's 5th biopsy last month was inconclusive and we have been forced to wait for another one to tell us more. Tommorrow is the day and we will have news hopefully by the weekend.

So since I blogged last, Mark has been back and forth to B4 on a daily basis with one trip to the ER and a call to 9-1-1. The ups and downs of this disease have been very extreme these last two weeks and we are hoping for some relief in the days to come.

Some good news...Chris (Mark's brother) is here to help out and the two of them are actually on their way to Redwoods to play a few holes of golf. A little bit of R&R for Mark before we embark on the next leg of this journey.

The sun is shining and we're going to enjoy the day for what it is. A beautiful fall day in Langley with the crisp moring air and the fog lifting off the trees as I type. All our love to everyone and we'll keep you posted once again.

Back home...Waiting

Mark's been home for just over a week now and it's great to be together again as a family. Although Mark goes back daily to VGH, we're so happy he's home.

My dad was here for the duration of Mark's latest hospital stay (21 days) and that was a godsend. Lots of long days and early mornings for Grandpa, but I know he wouldn't have chosen to be anywhere else. Three weeks of full time "nanny care" was exactly what I needed to get through this leg of the journey.

Chemo was tough for Mark this time around so I snuck out late once the kids were in bed to spend as much time with him as I could. It took a bit of juggling to make sure everyone was relatively happy. I couldn't have done it without you Dad.
:-)

So the big news... There is a bone marrow donor available for Mark...and it's also a perfect match. For this we are truly grateful and excited but there's still one hurdle to jump before the tranplant is a go. Next week we will find out if Mark is in remmission then we can get on with things.

This upcoming week will be the most important and stressful as waiting for results feels almost worse than the treatment itself. I'm sure Mark would disagree with me but it's a close second.

Send us your good thoughts, your strength and all your hope. Tell the people in your life how much you love them, and more importantly show them. We'll keep you all posted.
Leslie

Sunny day on T15

It's a beautiful day in sunny Vancouver. Audrey and Mark are watching Winnie the Pooh on his mini DVD (thanks Tracee!) and I'm checking my email. It's been a rough week for Mark but things are finally starting to settle down. The first round of chemo is over and the waiting game has just begun. Still no word on a match yet, probably won't know for another week or two. Now we just wait for the numbers to drop and then recover. Once that happens they will do another bone marrow biopsy (#5!) to hopefully confirm he is in remmission. Now we wait...

At first it all seemed familiar, coming back to the hospital, driving back and forth to Vancouver but we never thought it would be this hard. Such unknowns lay ahead it's hard not to fret about the future. We appreciate all the love and support from everyone, it makes it feel not so impossible. Keep checking for updates.

Leslie

Well here we are back again working towards Mark's recovery. Our "vacation" is over and it's back to VGH for some intense chemotherapy to get Mark back into remmission.

Thankfully, we have our family and friends to get us through this and we are trying our hardest to stay positive and optimistic that Mark can win this fight against leukemia. I can honestly say that this is the hardest thing we will ever have to overcome in our lifetime.

Mark's initial treatment plan was made up of 3 separate rounds of chemotherapy spread out over five months. His chances of achieving lifetime remmission with chemotherapy alone were about 40%. Not the best but it is always the first line of action. Now we have been forced to go to plan B which is a Bone Marrow Transplant from an unrelated donor.

It is hard to comprehend that Mark's life depends on the unselfish gift of a complete stranger but this is the reality we are faced with. Mark's doctor has given us every reason to believe that this is the best chance for him to beat the disease. So many people want to know if they can be tested to see if they are a match for Mark. Nothing would make us happier - but the donation process is an anonymous one to everyone in need. The more people who donate, the greater the liklihood of finding a match for Mark and everyone else in his situation. The Canadian Blood Services Website is the place to read about becoming a Bone Marrow Donor and changing someone's life forever. http://www.bloodservices.ca/

Mark's treatment began this morning and he will be undergoing chemotherapy for the next 3-5 days. Once that is done we will hopefully have heard from the registry to see if they have a match. The transplant is still a long ways off so we are focusing on getting over this first hurdle.

Email us when you can, we love to read the words of support and encouragement during this trying time. It is the last thing we both do before we go to bed and it gives us hope that the next day will be easier than the last.
lesnmark@shaw.ca
markatvgh@hotmail.com

More than surviving...

It's been 140 days since treatment began for Mark and I think it's safe to say we are over the hump. It's been almost three weeks since Mark's last appointment so they are getting farther apart which is always a good sign. Mark's hickman line was removed on July 13th (the day before his birthday) and doesn't have to go back until next Thursday. Mark's recovery/treatment plan will be decided and hopefully he'll get the go-ahead to return to work in the fall.

To celebrate this momentous occasion My parents sent us to Whistler for 3 days and 2 nights to relax. A little time away from everything was just what we needed. Thanks to Granny and Grandpa, our first weekend away (ever) from the kids was a success. Audrey and Noah had a wonderful time, asleep by 8pm, slept in till 7am and completely convinced us that we should go away more often. Thanks Mom, thanks Dad!

Now that Mark is a Cancer Survivor instead of a Cancer Patient things seem a little more normal again. Allthough it's only been 3 weeks since his last visit to VGH, it feels like it was a long time ago that I was sitting in traffic and paying a fortune for parking. Unfortunately for someone else, they have Mark's hospital bed and my parking spot. I am thankful every day that it's not us for now and I hope in my heart that it will never be any of you in that spot.

For now, the skies look clear. Mark is in remmission and the next 12 months will be the most important. I like to think of Mark as more than a Cancer Survivor now. He chose strength, not weakness - and that is what has helped our family get this far. We're over the hump and Living Strong.

Day 107, almost there...

Well it's been a while since we have posted a blog but it's been incredibly busy here. So far, probably the roughest month yet. Mark's 3rd round of chemo started with a cold, followed by another virus during the treatment itself which made him succeptible to all the yucky side effects of chemo. Glad to say that is over! Of course, the kids got it and the doctors were cautious with Mark's neutropenia that they were put on antibiotics just to be on the safe side. All in all, the last two weeks have been a little wearing. There were a few evenings when everyone in this house had a fever except for me, but as anticipated - my turn did come but now I am better.

Mark may have broken a record for most number of hours logged in as an outpatient at B4. What I mean is, he spends all his time there. Unfortunatley he got a fever following his chemo which is not that uncommon and he battled it for about a week. The doctors don't take any chances when he has no white blood cells so they put him on IV antibiotics (like the last time) for 9 days straight. So with the IV Antibiotics (3 hrs) , blood transfusions (3 hrs) and platelet transfusions (1.5 hrs) there was lots of Playstation and reading and crosswords and snoozing and headaches and traffic and boredom. Thank goodness that is all over now, Phew!!!!!

So as Mark and I sit here celebrating my birthday with the kids tucked into bed, we are soooooooo happy that this last month is behind us. I feel like July will be filled with easier days and more family time than clinic time for Mark. As Mark also celebrates his birthday in two weeks we are both looking forward to new beginnings.

Round 3 and the number 14?

Round 3 was supposed to have started on Wednesday but a nasty cold put it off until today. Nothing serious, just some sniffles and a bit of a cough. My first dose was administered this morning at around 10 and I'm feeling a bit foggy this evening, but again, nothing serious. I've got five more days and I'll be done with chemo! I can't believe it. It's been such a huge part of my life for the last 3 months and I feel just great about never having to do it again (hopefully). One of the big drags of chemo is that for the six days plus two afterwards, I have to put drops in my eyes every four hours. The ones in the middle of the night can be a bit trying! But, we'll make it through and I'll be back to full strength by the middle of July.

That brings us to the number fourteen, which my mom and I discovered has been popping up everywhere during my treatment. I was diagnosed on the 14th of March (my father's birthday); I was discharged from the hospital on the 14th of April; I had my somewhat scary fever on the 14th of May; my final day of chemo will land on the (you guessed it) 14th of June and I should be back to good counts and feeling fine by the 14th of July, which also happens to be my birthday. Pretty weird eh? As long as I don't see a 14 on my scorecard other than the hole numbered that way I'll be fine!

I hope to get through this final leg with the same ease as my second round, but there are never any guarantees in life or in cancer treatment. Thanks to all who call, write, e-mail, visit, pray, think of and support my family and me.

-Mark

Sleeping babies and golfing hubby

The kids are sleeping and Mark is golfing. Yah, unbelievable! We are both so thrilled with Mark's energy and reaction to the second round of chemo we just can't believe it. We got word last night that Mark will do another bone marrow biopsy on Monday morning. Following that, the 3rd and (hopefully) final round of chemotherapy will start. After the 3rd round they will repeat the bone marrow biopsy again and maybe we can be done with it all.

We are eagre to assume that Mark is in remmission because he feels pretty good. Tired at times but overall he's doing amazing. But it's hard to get your hopes up when a test can smash them back down again. Highs are high, but the lows are terribly low - so for now we'll just think about the weekend. What should we barbeque? It's supposed to be nice.

We are really loving having Mark home with us. It's almost like a vacation except for the whole fighting Cancer thing. Mark is still travelling into town every second day for bloodwork and tests now that he is recovered from his infection last weekend. Up until Sunday, he was at the outpatient clinic every day for a few hours recieving IV antibiotics. A little taxing on him I think, lots of waiting around but all is well now.

Keep your fingers crossed and we'll post as soon as we know Mark's results.

Livestrong Day is today!

Hello all. A quick update as I'm just waiting for my ride in to the clinic. Today is Livestrong Day (the Lance Armstrong Foundation rally day) and plenty of events and rallies to raise awareness and funds for cancer research are going on all over the states. While I don't know if any of the events are in Canada, I do know that what changes in the US generally happens here too. If you've got a Livestrong wristband, wear it and wear anything yellow to show support. If you don't have a wristband, you can always go to www.livestrong.com to order your own. All the money goes to the Lance Armstrong Foundation.

As for me, I'm doing pretty well. We hit a bit of a bump in the road over the last few days. I developed a bit of an infection and spiked a fever for a while. It was as high as 38.8 C. Don't ask me to convert that to Fahrenheit, my math is horrible! My blood counts are right at the bottom and I can't fight off infection myself so I'm on a week of IV antibiotics. Unfortunately this means I have to go into Vancouver every day instead of just every second day. It's a bit tiresome especially when I don't feel great to begin with.

Luckily my fever broke 2 nights ago and I'm starting to feel better. The biggest hurdle is fatigue. I get winded just walking up the stairs! As my counts rise I'll see my energy level return, I'm sure. I can't believe I have to do this all over again. The only good thing is that it will be the last round and hopefully will go smoothly. One day at a time though.

If you're reading this, why not post a comment? There haven't been any for a while and we'd love to hear from you. Bye for now, and don't forget to wear yellow today!

Day 50!

Six days of chemo are behind us now and Mark is feeling pretty great considering. Lucky for him the nausea and physical side effects were minimal this time around... so far... fingers crossed.

We are happy to be enjoying the things that were so hard the first time around. With Mark in the hospital for over a month he missed doing stuff that we totally took for granted before. Like, being able to sleep in his own bed (beside me!) Napping when the kiddies nap (that's our favourite). Having home cooked meals, putting the kids to bed and reading them stories (and watching them sleep too). Smelling Noah's little head after a bath. Now that we've been home together for two weeks things are starting to feel a bit normal again. Mark is still commuting back to Vancouver every 2 days now but it's sort of like he's going to work. Just not "selling steaks" as Audrey says, it's his new job - fighting the big C.

We are so overwhelmed with everyone's generosity and kind words these last few weeks. It's been hard, but we have never felt alone thanks to all our amazing family and friends. We feel lucky to know you all.

As we wait for Mark's numbers to drop this week and then start their steady climb again back to health, we will be staying close to home as the risk of infection is at it's greatest for the next 10 days or so. Mark checks his email daily and loves to hear from everyone so keep us posted as to what's going on with all of you. And send pictures of your cute kids too!

Day 43, sort of...

Today is Mark's 43rd day since this whole ordeal started. The doctors refer to you by the number of days since your very first day of chemotherapy. It certainly feels longer than 43 days but things are looking up.

Mark is on his second day of his second round of treatment and is feeling pretty good. Doing it as an outpatient has it's benefits and drawbacks. He is happy to be home with us but the long commutes into VGH are tough. Mark also gets the comforts of home but along with them comes the daily routine of having two small children to feed, bathe and get to bed. Fortunately for us, our family has been here to help. Phew! Up till now, Mark has been coping with the physical side effects pretty well. We are keeping our fingers crossed that this will hold out for the 4 remaining days of this treatment and beyond. Sometimes the effects are felt once you're done. Let's hope not!

For now, we've got 43 days behind us and 4 more "treatment days" ahead of us.

Well, we got good news yesterday...I'm in remission! No need for a transplant yet, thank goodness. My new Hickman line will be put in tomorrow morning and my 2nd round of chemotherapy will most likely begin on the weekend. We're all so relieved, especially after waiting almost 4 days for the biopsy results. Just when my hair has started to grow back it's time to start the whole process over again. We are all very hopeful that my 2nd chemo session will be as succesful (though not as nauseating) as the first. Fingers and toes crossed. Thanks for everything.

-Mark

Biopsy tomorrow

On Friday I'll be going in to the leukemia clinic to undergo another bone marrow biopsy to determine whether I'm in remission or not. I'll get some blood work done and that will be it until they figure out my next course of treatment. If all goes well with the biopsy and it shows I'm remission, I will most likely start another round of chemotherapy some time next week. It won't be until after Thursday since I'm having a new Hickman line put in that day (the line in my chest that allows direct access to my blood stream without having to jam a needle in my arm). If the biopsy shows that the cancer is still in my marrow I will most likely need a transplant from an unrelated donor. That poses a whole new set of problems with what is called Graft versus Host Disease. This set of complications arises because the donor blood has T-cells which can attack my cells, organs and tissue. Some people have no signs of GVHD, some people have mild symptoms and others have severe problems. Let's all hope we don't even have to go down that road.
I've been feeling great and I'm really enjoying being back at home where I get lots of hugs and kisses from Audrey and drool from Noah. The rest of my treatment should be on an outpatient basis which is good and bad. While it will be nice to sleep in my own bed and see Leslie and the kids every day, chemo may be tougher at home without a handy call button linked to a nurse who can administer all kinds of fun drugs! Hopefully they'll send me home with a few different anti-nausea drugs to help out. We should have more answers by the end of the weekend at which time we will be sure to update everyone.
My brother, Chris, flew home on Wednesday and my father, David, is now here to help out and to bond with his grandkids too. Chris and I managed to get out and play a round of golf on Monday which was so amazing. It was nice to be outside playing my game and not really thinking about this stupid disease. I even played well, and soundly thumped Chris by 11 shots! Sorry Chris, if you're reading this. For now I'm going to enjoy the bit of freedom I have before the next round of treatment begins. Keep your e-mails and comments coming as they are always so much fun to read. Thanks to everyone who has donated. We can't put into words how appreciative we are for the help it lends us. Stay tuned, more to come soon.

-Mark

Day 29

Mark is home!!!

Day 28, Good Friday

I can't help notice how quiet it is up here on T15 this morning. All I can hear is the ventilation system and the steady pace of Mark's IV pump. The halls are much quieter than usual because of the restriction on visitors. There's a nasty flu bug going around and they are being especially cautious. Mark's doing his crossword while I type and wonder what to put on the page. So much has happened over the last 4 days...

Mark had a bone marrow biopsy done on Monday to determine if he has gone into remission or not. Unfortunately, the results were ambiguous and a little puzzling to his doctors so they have elected to repeat the biopsy again in about 10 days. This news was hard to hear but we are trying to stay positive in light of it.

The results also came back to see if Mark's brother Chris is a match and we were disappointed to find out that he is not a perfect match for Mark. The chances were very slim to begin with (only 25%)so we had prepared ourselves for this outcome.

On the up side, Mark might be home for Easter. His doctor feels that he needs time to rest and build up his white blood cells so he will get to come home in a day or two. Chris has promised to cook a "PC turkey in-a-box" for Mark's homecoming, Easter and Grandad's birthday all in one. We are very excited about that. For those of you who don't know what a PC turkey-in-a-box is, it is a complete turkey dinner, stuffing and all, ready to go in the oven. They're delicious! You've got to try one.

Mark and I are so thankful to all of you who have helped us. There have been so many expenses that come with a lengthy hospital stay and we are truly grateful. |It is comforting to know we are not alone on this journey to Mark's recovery.

Day 20 and Counting

Day 20
Hard to believe we are here already...

March 14th was the night Mark and I found out he had "probable leukemia". For that one night, we still had the glimmer of hope this was all a mistake, a mix-up, a chance that when we woke up on Wednesday - we could put it all behind us. Day 20 and counting.

We still both smile occasionally and have conversations about what Audrey did at preschool today, as well as what are Mark's counts? What are the numbers? Does Mark have any nutrifills yet? When will he get his platelets today?

Life is completely different for us now but this is it...hard to swallow but, we do. Between the tears of joy I have now everytime our children do something so ordinary and the tears that escape when I have a "moment" I try my hardest to remember that all our friends and family are thinking of us. The days feel longer now but things seem more real, more important now than ever.