It’s the first night it’s been cold enough to use the fireplace and I suspect that we will wake up to frost covered roof tops again tomorrow. As I sit here at my desk as I do most every night, the heat gently wafts at my back and keeps me company while I ponder my options. For once, they are decisions that can wait. They are decisions that aren’t life altering like so many of the ones that have come before this. There is a certain lightness that comes with deciding what bedspread to buy and which boxes to unpack first. It does however, feel like I’ve been waiting a lifetime to be where I am tonight.
It feels almost impossible to believe that I am here in the house that will be my home for years to come. Maybe it’s because it’s been months since I was in a place that was truly my own, or because my life in Vancouver feels like a distant memory, but the hard to believe feeling is difficult to shake.
I don’t know what I pictured for myself when Mark and I talked about me relocating here with the kids. It was only a year ago that we first discussed it and now, looking back I can’t even believe we had those conversations. The further away I get from those moments, the more amazing and courageous Mark becomes to me. His concern for us was always his first priority and it outweighed any fears he had about his own future. Reflecting back, it seems unbelievable how he could have been so strong in the face of such adversity. There are moments in each of my days that I wish I could be as strong as he was.
The excitement of a new place to call home is (at times) enough of a distraction for the kids. They are loving the new neighbourhood with the forest just steps away and a new friend on the street already. I’m starting to feel like this is the beginning of something. Almost like, there’s been a line drawn in the sand and I’ve just stepped over it. It’s taken me months to get here and over 4000kms but this is where I’m supposed to be.
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Leslie,
ReplyDeleteGlad you are in your home now and will be starting new memories. I think of you often and Emily & Scott ask when we can visit. They mention Audrey's name alot, just driving on a Langley street.
Take Care,
Pat, Emily & Scott
Hi, Leslie.
ReplyDeleteWe met in March/06, shortly after my former husband and Mark were both diagnosed with AML. I was in the elevator coming down from T15 and you were so nice to me when you saw I was having trouble dealing with it all.
Erwin died Oct. 13/06.
Since your first post, I have been reading your gift of words to everyone and I just thought it was time I said "thank you" for all that you've given with those special thoughts. So, thank you.
For me, left with two children, it has helped because you put your thoughts about being the surving parent into words that I couldn't. I've felt this overwhelming sense of responsibility and caution about being their only parent now and you've really helped me to take that in stride. You've also inspired me to be a better person because, with a smile and a pleasant little conversation one day when you noticed I was upset, you made me want to be like that, too. A little kindness does go a long way, even if we don't know it.
You and your children are in my prayers. I will continue with eager anticipation to read how you and Audrey and Noah are doing.
Jennifer Houghton
You just made me smile, and think again, wow, what an amazing lady! I'm glad to hear that you're enjoying your new home, and everything that comes with it!
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