I suppose because I'm coming up to a milestone in this journey I am inclined to write. Also, to read my past entries. For the first time ever, I sat and read my entries from start to finish... What a year.
Seeing it in print reminded me of some things I had forgotten but also made it sound so fast. I didn't blog so much when things were going well and I wish I had. I long to remember all the details of the "good times" with Mark over this past year as they are a little fuzzy for me right now. I guess it is grief and sadness that is stalling my brain for the moment.
One thing that has stuck with me over the last month is our celebration for Mark at the golf club. The day was wet, but the rain seemed so appropriate for how I'm sure we were all feeling.
The idea for it was actually all Mark's.
He was adamant that we were all to have a party (for lack of a better word) after he was gone. He didn't want to have a dreary sad funeral - it really wasn't his style at all. One day after a visit to VGH in January, we were sitting at the stop light at 200th and 72nd Ave here in Langley. I distinctly remember him saying "Les, you have to have party, a celebration." We hadn't been specifically talking about it or anything, just listening to the radio and waiting for the turn arrow. The subject had come up before so I knew right away what he was referring to. On the radio, the song Going to California was playing by Led Zeppelin and that moment has stuck with me.
As soon as I walked into the Conservatory at Newlands, I knew it was perfect. Chris and Sue and I had gone to check it out just before dusk only a few days before and the three of us knew right away it was the place. As we wandered around the room awe struck by how perfect it was and how unreal it felt to be choosing a venue for my husband's funeral, a golfer strolled by the green in front of us. Dark hair, ball cap, about 5"8. We all looked at each other and paused just for a moment. As soon as I realized that of course it wasn't Mark, it was just one of those moments in time, my heart really ached. But I also had to smile too.
That night was only days after losing Mark. I'm pretty sure a few of us that week had similar moments when we thought just for second...maybe. But then reality bonks you over the head and startles you back to real life. So if you feel like you need just one more moment, you can always hear his voice on our answering machine, Mark will be there to greet you and kindly ask you to leave a message.
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Leslie,
ReplyDeleteWe do not know each other but you have been in my thoughts and prayers. After reading through the posts you wrote a picture forms of an incredibly strong woman and I thank you for sharing your past year with Mark with us all. I just received Kathy's address from my mother tonight but do not have a way to contact Chris. Please let him know that I am thinking of him.
Many years have passed since I have seen Mark. Growing up all us at Seawood would count the days until Chris and Mark would arrive. It was always guaranteed to be a time full of laughter. Everytime I think of Mark a smile comes to my face. He was always so funny. I remember that his smile would light up his eyes. One memory that will always stick in my mind is the guy from Zimbabwe who manufactured underwear made of human hair and toothpaste out of sand. Only Mark and Chris could make up a song about someone from Zimbabwe.....
Time passes, we grow up, have families and drift apart but there are those who will always hold a special place in our hearts and Mark and his family all have a place in mine. I regret not contacting Mark this past year and letting him know that.
I now live with my family in Maine less than a half a mile from the ocean and less than 2 miles from the campground that was such a magical place for me growing up. In my memories time stands still and we are all young once again at Seawood, playing ghost in the graveyard, riding our bikes to the beach or going swimming in the 'backwash' to wash off the sand and clay after we had a clay fight. As we get older we tend to remember things the way they were and not as they are now and it is so hard to believe that Mark is gone. He truly was a beautiful person whose life touched so many and I am so glad that he touched mine.
Take care,
Heidi (Neukuckatz) Damren
Ogunquit, Maine
Dear Leslie,
ReplyDeleteI have been thinking about you lots... so I thought I'd check back here to see if you'd made any recent journals. You are still in my thoughts and prayers. I was talking to Rhea Jongema (now in the Netherlands) and she said to say that she loves you!
Take care,
Jane
Leslie,
ReplyDeleteI love you. You're a strong woman.
Rhea