Drive on the right, pass on the left!!!

Today was a particularly hard day and I guess I am drawn to my computer when it's been a tough one. On a good day, I have no time to dwell on what lies ahead but feel compelled to ignore the phone, ignore my emails and spend time with Mark and the kids. Mark's "better" days are outnumbered by his bad days and it sometimes feels like we are racing against some giant clock somewhere but we just can't hear it ticking so we don't know how much time is left. The things on our "To Do" list seem infinite.

Mark has surprised many doctors along the way and we are pleasantly surprised when he bounces back from all the stubborn infections that have come his way over the last 10 months. The latest of which, are being a little more stubborn and are hanging around causing all kinds of problems. But, this is the nature of this disease, it is relentless and rarely gives you a break. Having a bright outlook and a glass half full sort of attitutude is the only thing to get you through.

Up until now, I never considered myself to be such a person. I have been called a pessimist and even a little negative in the past and I am never surprised when things don't turn out as they should. I usually assume they won't. I enjoy swearing and getting mad at terrible BC drivers as Mark pointed out to me today (drive on the right, pass on the left pls!!!) I get really irritated by those drivers who try to sneak onto the number 1 East right at Boundry at the very last second and love honking my horn at them. This clearly irritates Mark and today he finally asked me why I waste my energy to even point out the fact that people sneak in at Boundry without having waited their turn. We do the drive up to 4 times a week and everytime someone cuts in I feel the need to rant about it.

I don't know why I do it. I didn't have an answer for Mark. Once we got to the Port Mann I decided that yes, this is a colossal waste of my energy. Why use up what little energy I have on petty little things like bad drivers. (Mark has known this all along and was waiting for me to figure it out) He gets it because he has had hours and hours to think about how best to budget his limited energy. After I got thinking, I realized how wastefull I have been with stress that is completely unnecessary. I have been wasting my "unlimited" energy while the whole time Mark is sitting in the passenger seat breathing hard from the walk to the car.

Everyday this disease teaches me to appreciate what I've got. When things are unlimited they are usually underappreciated. Today, Mark in his own witty way has encouraged me to be less angry. Don't get me wrong, I am mad at Leukemia who ever the guy may be, but I decided this afternoon not to be mad at the insignificant things. What's that expression? Don't sweat the small stuff.