The sadness that encompasses my life each day can be fleeting and overwhelming all in the same hour of a day. It makes me wonder how much see-sawing a persons’ soul can tolerate. How is it that one minute things can feel almost normal only to disintegrate before my eyes in minutes, sometimes even seconds?
It has become evident to me over the last 7 months that this is part of the deal. You don’t always get to choose when you feel like being happy or sad, it has a way of choosing you. The sometimes random nature of this roller coaster is what makes things feel quite impossible at times. Then there are those days that the calendar dictates. These are hard in their own way. All the anticipation leading up to the day and all the family members who are at a loss for words and who want only to comfort you.
How does one coast through these anniversaries without feeling bitter or deprived of what is rightfully theirs? How do you re frame something that is lost, into something that is good? This question begs for an answer from anyone who has loved and lost. Somehow Tennyson's words don’t fill the gap in my heart. It may well be that “Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all. " It just feels harder to believe tonight.
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Hi Leslie, I am your mother-in-law's cousin in Victoria. I am the one who babysat your husband - as a child in Ottawa. Your posting date of Sept. 18th is my best friend's birthday. Her present was an announcement that she has secondary, incurable, metastatic bone cancer. Her daughter is in Ontario, expecting her second child in October...difficult time to tell her of her mother's diagnosis. Mark's and your journey have my friend [of thirty years friendship]. Your Something Lost just touched me so deeply...it will help my friend make those difficult decisions more proactive...thank you Leslie...you are doing deep and grounding heartfelt work that reaches so many others...bless you...Namaste.
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