It is even harder to compose this blog than the last two but I am going to try...
We are back at T15 and Mark is not well. We have been struggling with managing his pain and more complications are arising. Unfortunately, this is typical of Leukemia and we have come to a roadblock with active treatment of the disease.
Mark's antibodies were too high to participate in the DTIL3 study and we are dealing with the reality of what this means for us. The doctors have retested Mark in the hopes that his antibodies may have dropped over the last 10 days but it is a very remote possibility.
Mark and I are now faced with the reality that there will be no chance for recovery from this terrible disease. We are in shock, devastated, mad and overwhelmingly sad. We knew that this was a real possibility but never actually thought it would happen to us. For those of you who have spoken to us, we know there is no perfect response, there is nothing to say that can fix this. It is completely unfair and we are trying our best to accept and move on. It felt impossible yesterday and the day before but we have to try. Today is a new day and we are determined to make the most of our time left together. It's the only thing to do.
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Mark and Leslie,
ReplyDeleteJust dropping you a quick note in response to Mark's voice message. I simply cannot imagine what you two are experiencing. And this little space stayed mighty blank for awhile before I threw these few lines down. All I can feel after reading the lastest blog is how astronomically unfair all this is to you and everyone who knows and loves you.
Listen, I'd like to come out and see you if it's OK. I've got a few days to take off before year's end, and a place to crash (at my friend James'). I know we won't have a sunny afternoon at Kitts, but the setting doesn't matter: we can sit around and make fun of people like Chatty C regardless of the surroundings.
Talk to you tomorrow (Friday).
All my love,
-Sean
Mark and Leslie,
ReplyDeleteI have already erased 15 attempts of putting into words our sorrow for you guys. You have impressed us so much with your courage and morale since March. I don't know that I could be as strong! We are standing ready to help in any way possible. Please know that we are thinking of you.
Craig and Alison Hamilton
Dear Mark and Leslie,
ReplyDeleteLike the other comments, I stare blankly at this screen, a million thoughts a second going through my mind. It seems like yesterday I was in the kitchen (at The Keg), shaking, nervous, scared, worried because my wife was about to give birth to our first son. Mark noticed that I was not myself, (plus he knew it was almost time to go to the delivery room) he spoke to me like a friend, not a boss, like a father that knew everything would be ok. I'm always greatful for his fatherly wisdom. I've received a lot of it from him. He is right, there is nothing in this world greater then being a father.
I was at The Keg yesterday when you called, actually Harjit was supposed to pass on the phone. Mark, we'd love for you to come to work one day soon for dinner if you can. There are a lot of people that want to see you, Leslie, Noah and Audrey.
You're in my prayers always.
Paul Bystrowski
Dear Leslie and Mark: I am sick about the latest news and cannot get you both off my mind. I asked the local Pine Grove Church to pray for you all there. And some of my friends are doing the same. God bless and be with you all, Sharon and John also and the children. Much love Leslie, Aunt Marilyn
ReplyDeleteMark and Leslie,
ReplyDeleteIt broke my heart to read your posts and to sense what is happening there. Although I know that there is nothing that can be said to bring any peace at this point, I just hope that you have a sense of how many prayers are being said on your behalf.
As I read through all of the blogs, I felt that you were not just relating your own journey, you were also leading me along on one of my own. Although I can't begin to understand the depth of the sadness and anger that you are going through, your story has made me hug my two a whole lot tighter. I will not take things for granted.
I want you to know that I have taken to heart your quest of raising the awareness about the bone marrow donor program. The minute the tears slowed down after reading your last post, I immediately went to the Canadian Blood Services page. Just 20 minutes later I was registerd in both the Unrelated Bone Marrow Registry and Operation LifeBlood. My sincere hope is that your story inspires others to do the same ~ as I know that this is something that is close to both of your hearts.
I wish for the four of you peace, quiet moments of togetherness, and hope even in the darkest hours.
Your strength is an inspiration. I know that the love that is so evident in the posts will carry you through all that lies ahead.
With a heavy heart, and wishing we could do more,
Carolyn Torhjelm
There is nothing I can say to make things any easier. But I have said it before and I'll say it again, my prayers are with you and your family. I will try to visit sometime soon. Maybe with Kara. Take care & continue to stay strong.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Grace
Mark and Leslie.
ReplyDeleteI have wanted to write for awhile but my words can not express what I am feeling.My heart is overwhelmed by emotions. I think of your family often and try to think of ways to help. You know I am off Mondays if you like I could watch the kids for you or do some errands.
Leslie if you want to just go for a walk call me.
Nothing I say can ease the pain, anger and confusion you guys are feeling but I hope knowing that you have many people praying for you has given you all some comfort. Enjoy and treasure every moment together as a family and live every day to the fullest. You guys are blessed to have each other. Every day we have with our loved once is a precious gift. And never ever give up on miracles.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Lori
(childs play)
as my mom would say
Live, Love, Laugh
Leslie, Mark, Audrey & Noah,
ReplyDeleteFirst let me say how sorry I am to have taken so long to write you all. During this whole time you have been going through treatment, appointments etc. I never wrote or called. Mostly for selfish reasons as I didn't know what to say. My Mom did something brave the other day and so I took this as a reason not be such a coward anymore.
We have been fortunate to have Aunt Sharon and Uncle John at the farm for most holidays and the odd week-end thrown in and it always reminded me of how lucky I am to have my family close to us. I understand that many friends, family and neighbours have been very helpful to you - and for that I'm glad as I know how important this help has been for your daily lives to go on.
Please know I think of you all the time - having Jack now makes me more appreciative of the smaller things but somehow life always gets in the way of true appreciation. The small arguements Jeff and I have seem very selfish.
Leslie I know it's been years since we were close - but please know I care, as little as I have done or said. I often think of our walk along the beach out West the time I was in Vancouver - in fact it was Feb 8, 2004 almost 3 years ago when the trees were blossoming and it was about 8 degrees out there and I came home to sleet and ice and minus 11 wishing I was back out West. I know that this Spring will come regardless of how well Mark is and somehow the world will not stop or slow down. Damn earth. Take care (especially driving it seems :) - we love you.
corinnasmith@hotmail.com